Trauma - Why it may be relevant to you

What is trauma?

When we think of trauma, most of us imagine overwhelming or life-threatening events — experiences that are shocking, terrifying, or deeply distressing. These are sometimes called "Big-T" traumas. Examples include frontline combat, catastrophic accidents, sexual abuse, violent assault, or a serious medical diagnosis. These kinds of events can lead to long-term distress, flashbacks, nightmares, and severe anxiety — all symptoms commonly associated with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

But trauma isn't always dramatic or obvious. It can also emerge from more subtle, ongoing experiences that leave us feeling powerless, unseen, or just not good enough. These experiences are sometimes referred to as "small-t" traumas. Examples include repeated episodes of neglect, rejection, coercive control, conflict, bullying, discrimination, or parental divorce — experiences that can contribute to what is known as complex-PTSD. The effects of small-t trauma may include anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, feelings of shame, difficulties in relationships, or even physical symptoms like illness or chronic fatigue.

Trauma — in any form — can have a lasting impact on how we feel, how we relate to others, and how we see ourselves. It's effects may surface at any time, sometimes years after the event. Whether big or small, trauma can leave us feeling stuck in distress and unsure of ourselves.

One significant contributor to complex-PTSD can be attachment trauma. Attachment refers to the emotional bond that develops between an infant and their primary care-giver. The quality of this connection — the sense of safety, trust, and value communicated to the child — plays a vital role in shaping emotional well-being. When that bond is disrupted or inconsistent, it can affect a person's sense of self-worth and impact how they relate to themselves and others well into adulthood.

Even the most loving and well-intentioned parents can face challenges — such as stress, illness, and emotional overwhelm — that may prevent them from fully meeting their child's emotional needs. over time, these unmet needs can leave lasting imprints.

When trauma occurs early in life, particularly in relationships where care and safety should have been assured, it can affect how we regulate emotions, trust others, and feel secure in our relationships later on. These impacts are often deep-rooted and may not always be easy to recognise — but they are very real, and therapy can offer a way to gently understand and begin to heal them.

The physical and emotional response to trauma

Physiological processes, such as heart beat, blood pressure, and digestion are regulated through the autonomic nervous system, which controls involuntary functions in the body. These processes occur automatically and are not consciously controlled, so they operate independently of our cognitive awareness or voluntary functions. The autonomic nervous system also plays a crucial role in our response to trauma, because it drives instinctive or involuntary reactions to real or perceived threats.

When we are faced with threat or danger, our autonomic nervous system can trigger one of four main response types.

• Fight: This response involves directly confronting the threat, often through anger, aggression, or attempts to physically fight off danger.

• Flight: This is the urge to escape or flee from the threat, whether physically running from a dangerous situation or shying away from a potentially stressful predicament.

• Freeze: This is the response when a person becomes so overwhelmed by the threat that they "shut down" or become immobilised. It can feel like a state of paralysis or indecision.

• Fawn: This response involves trying to appease or please the threat to reduce its danger. People who fawn avoid conflict or try to make the other person feel better in order to stop themselves being harmed.

These responses can become ingrained and a core part of who we are, especially if they are repeatedly triggered by chronic stress or unresolved trauma. When these survival mechanisms are activated frequently, they can shape our behaviour and emotional patterns, sometimes even becoming a default way of reacting to situations — long after the immediate threat has passed.

Both big-T and small-t trauma can induce these automatic survival mechanisms.

Key differences between big-T and small-t trauma responses

• Intensity: Big-T trauma often leads to more intense reactions (e.g., panic or rage), while small-t trauma responses tend to be more subtle, but can accumulate over time, and lead to chronic stress or emotional exhaustion.

• Frequency and Duration: Big-T trauma usually involves isolated or acute events, whereas small-t trauma is often repetitive or ongoing, causing a gradual and emotional psychological toll.

• Coping mechanisms: In big-T trauma, responses tend to be more urgent, calling for immediate action (e.g., fight or flight). In contrast, coping strategies in small-t trauma may initially appear adaptive (like fawning), but can become maladaptive over time.

Trauma therapy in practice

One thing I often notice in my practice is how self-critical people can be about their response to trauma. It's not uncommon for clients to compare themselves to others who might seem to have suffered more severe or devastating events, yet appear to be coping. But trauma is not a competition. Whether it's "big-T" or "small-t", what matters is not the event itself, but the impact it has on you. Our responses to trauma are shaped by so many factors — all valid, all deeply personal.

A key part of feeling more secure in the world is recognising and acknowledging the emotional toll trauma can take on your sense of self. Working with a skilled therapist in a safe, compassionate space can help you to begin to make sense of how past experiences have impacted your thoughts, feelings, and ways of relating to others.

Understanding why you feel the way you do is often the first step toward greater self-acceptance. When we begin to see where we've come from, we can start to understand how we arrived at the present — and that insight can open the door to real transformation. When we begin to make sense of our past, we can start to shape a future that feels more grounded, more connected, and more aligned with who we truly are.